30-Day Shopping Ban: Recharge and Reset

Towards the end of July I was feeling a bit directionless. I'd gone hard into my reading on Druidry (and other aspects and traditions of Paganism, polytheism and earth-based paths, such as Heathenry, traditional witchcraft and Wicca) and was feeling a bit... Druided out. I still felt that this was the path for me, but I'd noticed that I was starting to anticipate feeling super connected and sort of spiritual-mystical all the time, which is actually kind of exhausting.

It had been really exciting for a few months - I'd been experiencing strange synchronicities and what I can only describe as communications. I won't go into too much detail here as it's going to be in the book I'm working on (yes! and it has a publisher lined up!), but I will tell you that Dai had witnessed some of this, which happily confirmed that I wasn't actually losing my mind. At first this reaching out was a bit random and sporadic, but gradually I learned it was a two-way channel, and I began to ask questions and receive answers, mostly in images, in some instances information that would later be confirmed in books I picked up. 

It was spooky and exhilarating, but after a while I realised I was now trying really hard all the time to communicate with everything and be open, constantly striving to be a sort of antennae for signs and portents, and I actually needed a break. I felt I was losing track of the ordinary world a bit, and, as I had taken my eye off the ball, my spending - and more so, my obsessive browsing - had taken an upwards swing again. Not seriously or harmfully, but enough that I wanted to recalibrate and get a better grip on it.

I get why I was back to browsing. It was a way to switch off from being Super Mystical Druid Student Lady - a very mundane way to decompress. Reality TV would probably have served a similar function. 

Perhaps relatedly, Pagan traditions, unlike other faiths and philosophies (such as Buddhism or Christianity) don't put much emphasis on the spiritual benefits of restraint, asceticism or denial (as a choice, I should perhaps point out, not the grind of day-to-day poverty). Generally quite the opposite - writers such as Laurie Cabot encourage a mindset of abundance, though generally it is acknowledged that 'the primary goal of life is spiritual and not material' (Laurie Cabot, The Power of the Witch); spells to create wealth abound, and in our modern consumer culture many 'spiritual' books essentially encourage one to present the universe with a shopping list. And as I've previously mentioned, you only have to step into your nearest esoteric store to note the myriad fripperies and trappings with which you could ornament your person, house, altar and so forth should you choose. (There are, however, many modern writers who are deeply aware of the climate crisis and the ways in which our consumption is contributing to this destruction, such as Dana O'Driscoll, Glennie Kindred and others, which is a really positive direction and much more in keeping with 'nature based' paths IMO. I could also point you towards Graeme Talboys's The Druid Way Made Easy, which has a really interesting discussion of simplicity and living more in harmony with the natural world.)

Another, very different experience tweaked my thoughts on spending around this time. Now, I know it's daft and first-world-y to say that I had a life-changing experience at a spa! Besides, that's not quite how it went. What happened was that I was FINALLY able to use the Lush Spa voucher I had bought myself about a year and a half previous, and I had such a wonderful time that it really clarified for me what it is and isn't worth spending money on. More new clothes and jewellery? No, ta. A completely immersive, sensory hour of pampering and relaxation with fresh, eco friendly and ethical products? Oh my Goddess yes, bring it on.

I had a treatment called the Sound Bath, which involves facial massage with hot and cold stones, tuning forks applied to pressure points, scalp massage, sound therapy, ear candling, and a bunch of other stuff that was very lovely but which I can't explain or describe because my eyes were closed and I was, frankly, on another plane at this point. A fresh breeze, incense and possibly a rain stick were involved. And at the end the therapist made me a fresh lemonade - as in, she squeezed the lemon and added mint and chamomile right there in front of me, and I have no idea what was in the teapot but mist came rolling out over the tabletop as if by magic. (And it was served in a singing bowl. So much thought went into every area of this, my mind was totally blown.) So, yeah, I'm going to start setting some money aside to go back, even though it's clearly frivolous as heck. I don't get manicures, I make it to the hairdresser maybe once every couple of years, my self-care is poor to say the least, I'm gonna have this indulgence every now and again. I have never felt so blissfully pampered!

It also didn't escape my notice that a lot of the worries and anxieties I needed to escape from with this treatment were - still - insecurities around clothing and appearance, as well as what to buy and what not to buy. I had another - very different - holistic treatment arranged for my 30th birthday, which was last month, and it occurred to me that perhaps between those two points I could continue this sense of relaxation and rejuvenation - boost my wellbeing - by continuing to eliminate this category of worries and stresses. A 30-day shopping ban would allow me to gather myself, have a break from those persistent insecurities and obsessive thoughts, and let me go forward with peace and clarity. After the first week or so, which I suspected from my previous shopping bans would be a bit of a nightmare.

After two or three false starts, my shopping ban began on the 25th of July.

Week One

This wasn't how I wanted my story to go! I wanted to be able to wrap it up neatly and say, "Once I discovered Druidry, my overshopping and consumerism faded away and never troubled me again." Alas, not so.

However, this first week was not the gritted-teeth, white-knuckled battle I had been expecting. Quite the opposite - it felt like a relief. I knew there was nothing I really needed or wanted. Even when a rainstorm caused the Spud and me to take shelter in a large department store, there was not even a flicker of temptation. I must admit I was astonished. If it had become so easy to not shop, then what on earth had I been shopping for? Out of habit? Boredom? That old chestnut, the Diderot effect?

Weirdly, at around day five I found my old comparison tendencies flaring back up. It felt yucky, and was a useful reminder that life's too short for this bullshit.

Week Two

This week I realised I'm kind of an information addict, a knowledge junkie if you will. I've got so many online courses bookmarked, and one of my biggest timewasting activities is browsing books on Amazon and reading Kindle samples to find more and more sources of new information. This isn't necessarily good or bad in itself, I don't think, but it's definitely a time eater, can be a money eater, and also means that, particularly with spirituality, I can be prone to reading instead of doing. In his book Unsubscribe, Josh Korda says, "Filling the mind with information is really a variation of seeking security by lining our pockets or filling up our living rooms with gadgets and flat screens, for whether we are accumulating information or consumer goods, the underlying premise is that the answer is somewhere out there, not available to me already - this is the belief that fuels craving."

I decided to stop adding new books to my wishlist and try to cut down on my Googling and online information mining. Instead of seeking more and more knowledge, for the moment I wanted to start using and working with the wealth of information already available in my home library, as well as developing my personal gnosis.

I had two purchases this week which could be considered 'non-essential', one of which was a haircut, but I decided to let it stand, as the last professional haircut I had was a trim in August 2020, and the last before that was having a bob cut in 2018, before the Spud was born! My hair is now quite long, and I wanted some choppy layers put in to add shape and interest whilst keeping the length. I've been trimming my own hair for a while, or asking friends to have a go, but I decided that attempting my own layers was probably a bad idea, having spent so much time growing my hair for the wedding! So I hope you'll agree with my decision to give myself a pass on this one.

The other purchase was a book, but I'm not counting that as a ban break either, because it was the debut novel of a dear friend! It's wonderful when supporting artists and supporting friends falls under the same spending category.

Week Three

At the end of week two I'd had a revelation regarding my personal style, which I'll discuss in an upcoming post, so I went into week three feeling slightly startled and not entirely trusting my self-control. 

The biggest challenge this week was that it coincided with our annual trip to Pembrokeshire. I've referred to this trip as a pilgrimage before, and this year that was a quite literal descriptor. We had decided to visit some sites related to Saint Bride, as I'd been experiencing a strong connection to her ancient goddess counterpart, Brighid (this has been literally life-changing, but I'm not speaking too much about it here on the blog as it's covered in detail in my upcoming book). I was hoping that this spiritual focus for our trip would help me NOT focus on shopping, but I also knew there are some great shops in St David's, and the temptation would be strong.

There were, unsurprisingly, a couple of items I lusted after - briefly, but intensely - namely a jumpsuit by sustainable brand Tentree, and a deliciously sea-blue T-shirt with a 'wonder-filled coast' slogan that I found in a St David's gift shop. However, I was pleased with my progress on this new ban and so I chose not to break it or devise loopholes for myself. I also found that spending so much time in such a spectacularly beautiful place really revitalised my commitment to environmentalism - Dai became used to me staring out at each glorious sunset vista, watching the crescent moon rising over the liquid-gold, sparkling ocean, whilst wailing "Whyyyyyy do people pollute THIS?!"

Week Four

This week, back in the normal world, I found myself thinking more about the divide between where I am in life and where I want to be. I preach freedom and anarchism, but have a mortgage (we intend to renovate our house, sell up and get ourselves a smallholding in Wales where hopefully we can better live our values. In the meantime my job is to provide safety and stability for my little one, even if that means being a hypocrite and a sell-out). I aim for simple living, but I feel like I'm wading through stuff, my to-do list is endless, and I spend a lot of time fiddling about on my tablet or watching the clock. I never get enough sleep. Yoga, meditation, writing, making offerings, and other aspects of my spiritual life were becoming things I would perpetually do 'later' - once I'd cleared some more of my TBR pile, or finished the laundry, or made a centimetre of space in the back bedroom. Everything felt like a fight against the clock, even what I thought of as my more holistic pursuits, like planting veg and harvesting herbs. To borrow an expression of Dai's, all the jobs I hadn't done yet were hanging over my head like some sort of smelly bat.

I realised that I was doing everything in a rush. Our daily walks had been shunted aside in favour of frantic gardening, and I hurt my back while doing some DIY jobs I was too impatient to wait for Dai to help with. I'd almost stopped scratch cooking, too. It was definitely time to slow down and get mindful. 

I definitely benefited from taking this break and doubling down on controlling my spending. I'm going to take a bit of time now to decide what my next move will be - whether or not I'll try again for a full year without shopping.