Merry Christmas! Some Ideas for the New Year

My dear readers - friends, family, and the one or two strangers who have found this little corner of the net - thank you for checking in on my weekly ramblings this last couple of months. I have enjoyed sharing with you some of my thoughts and lessons from my previous shopping ban attempt, as well as staying accountable in my current attempt. I'm intending to take a couple of weeks' break from blogging for the festive season, but before I go I want to give you a few tips that I have gleaned from this process.

Tried and Tested Tips

If you have read this far and relate to much of what I have said, I strongly feel you should consider doing a shopping ban of your own - it's a challenge everyone can learn something from. If, however, you really can't face that, another experiment you could try, perhaps in the New Year, is to pick a category of your belongings - books, clothing or make-up, for example - and try not to buy any more until something in that category actually needs replacing. You may be surprised by how much more you have than you actually need. For example, I was amazed to discover at the end of my first year that I had only worn out a single pair of socks, and still had more than ten remaining bottles of body lotion! (It's now a year and seven months since I last bought: socks (or any kind of hosiery), handbags, scarves,  knickers, perfume, eyeshadow, nail varnish, stationery, furniture, DVDs, CDs, collectable figurines of any kind, yarn, jewellery or tech. Have I run out of any of these things? Not even close.)

Here are a few of the most important things I have learned in the year-and-a-bit since I started trying to quit shopping:

1. Browsing leads to spending. 

Don't make it easy for them to keep you hooked. Put down your phone. My life became so much better when I stopped feeling obligated to compare EVERY dress on ASOS.

2. You don't lose anything by not buying something.

3. There isn't One True Garment that will reveal and encapsulate your identity.

4. You can't shop your way to a sense of self.

In fact, overshopping was part of what eroded my sense of self in the first place. 

5. Use and value what you already have.

6. At the end of your life, you won't wish you'd spent more time shopping.

7. Express yourself through your actions, not your purchases.

8. Take inventory.

Counting your stuff is not the most fun way to spend time, but it's harder to convince yourself you really need another t-shirt if you know you already have 63 t-shirts. (Yes, actual number. Have I not mentioned I have an overshopping problem?)

9. Consider your priorities.

What are you giving up if you keep spending your money on unnecessary trinkets? A house deposit? That trip you've always wanted to take? Your security or peace of mind? What if you saved that money instead?

10. Don't broadcast everything.

A private life is a happy life. I used to pour myself into social media in the name of authenticity and then always felt I had to live up to the image I was creating. Your choices become limited when you feel you should be promoting or explaining them to an audience. Deciding to be more mysterious was one of my best decisions to date.

11. Let go of perfect.

I learned during wedding planning that perfection is a tyrant. Embrace 'good enough' and be liberated. My hair, my skin, my smile, my wardrobe - not perfect, but good enough, and that makes me happy every day. If you let go of perfect, you only have to meet your own standards - not society's, not Instagram's. (If your own standards still feel too high, can you try to see yourself how your friends and loved ones see you? Beyond facial features and body shape, true beauty is in the way you light up, the way you talk, smile, laugh, move.)

And Lastly

This week's accountability - well, a mixed bag to report. I did have to shell out on a new pair of shoes - as I've mentioned before, I often suffer with plantar fasciitis, and this week it's flared up badly. After watching me hobble around in agony for a few days, Dai insisted it was time to replace the battered pink Reeboks I've been wearing for the last two and a half years. So I've ordered these amazing cork shoes with a "foot mattress" insole from sustainable, ethical company Po-Zu. I hadn't actually bought shoes in over two years (!) which I guess is pretty good going. I did resent replacing the Reeboks as they haven't actually disintegrated yet, but they have seen better days, and I can't keep up with my toddler when every step feels like walking on needles!

Unfortunately, I had a weird few days over the weekend when I didn't like what I saw in the mirror, and by Tuesday I was once again convinced I needed a total change of wardrobe. I felt sick of budgeting and thinking about money and 'stuff' all the time. I bought the Spud some lovely pyjamas, dressing gown, dinosaur t-shirt and a toy car (no regrets there, also not a ban break) and then I bought myself a cardigan from The Ragged Priest (in the sale) and a new book (Embrace Your Weird by my woman crush Felicia Day, can't imagine why that spoke to me at the time). So that's a third strike - time to start my day count from the beginning, I guess!

I should note that my little spree coincided with a) a heavy bout of Pinterest use - must quit, it clearly is the devil, and b) menstruation. I suspect a few of my shopping binges have coincided with that particular joyful time of the month - not sure yet how to guard against Shark Week Brain and its demand for extreme makeovers. Anyone have any suggestions? I must admit, I do sometimes let eco-guilt (or mum guilt) get in the way of actually taking the time to enjoy my clothes and appearance and then I end up feeling rough and frumpy... Perhaps this is something I can work on. I struggle to convince myself that it isn't selfish (or a sign of sinister corporate/patriarchal brainwashing) to want to feel good about the way I present myself. 

Have a wonderful, imperfect, being-"safe"-in-weird-pandemic-times Christmas, and I'll see you in the New Year.